Why Decisions Are So Hard
You've been staring at the same choice for days. Maybe weeks. You make pro/con lists. You ask friends. You imagine scenarios. And still, you can't decide.
Here's why: decision-making paralysis usually isn't about the decision. It's about fear of regret, desire for certainty, or confused values.
The ancient philosophers were master decision-makers—not because they had better information, but because they had clearer frameworks. They understood what actually matters in a decision and what doesn't.
Let's borrow their wisdom.
Aristotle: The Framework of Practical Wisdom
Aristotle called good decision-making "practical wisdom" (phronesis). It's not just intelligence—plenty of smart people make terrible choices. It's the ability to see clearly what the situation requires and act accordingly.
Aristotle's decision framework:
- Identify the goal. What are you actually trying to achieve? Not what you think you should want, but what genuinely matters to you. Many bad decisions come from chasing the wrong thing.
- Consider the context. The right choice depends on circumstances. What's wise in one situation may be foolish in another. Who's affected? What resources do you have? What are the constraints?
- Find the mean. For Aristotle, the right choice is usually between extremes. Being too cautious is as bad as being too reckless. Somewhere in the middle lies the appropriate response.
- Act. At some point, deliberation must end. Making a good-enough decision and adjusting is usually better than endless analysis.
Try this: Before your next decision, write down in one sentence what you're actually trying to achieve. Is your deliberation serving that goal, or has it become its own obstacle?
The Stoic Method: Control What You Can
The Stoics made a simple distinction that transforms decision-making: some things are up to you, and some things aren't.
You can control: your choices, your effort, your attitude.
You can't control: outcomes, others' reactions, external events.
Most decision anxiety focuses on the wrong category. We agonize over how things will turn out—but we can't control that. What we can control is making the best choice given what we know.
The Stoic decision practice:
- Focus on the choice, not the outcome. You're deciding between jobs. You can control which you choose. You can't control whether the chosen job will work out. Stop trying to guarantee results you can't guarantee.
- Ask: What would the sage do? Imagine someone wise you admire. What would they do in this situation? Often you'll find you already know the answer.
- Accept that regret is possible—and survivable. You might choose wrong. But you'll handle it. You've handled everything so far.
- Set a deadline and decide. Marcus Aurelius: "Never let the future disturb you." At some point, more deliberation adds nothing. Decide and move forward.
Buddha: Decisions and Attachment
Buddha saw that much decision paralysis comes from clinging—we're attached to getting the "right" outcome and terrified of the "wrong" one.
But here's the thing: you don't fully control outcomes. And even "good" outcomes are impermanent. The job you fought for will end. The relationship you chose will change. Nothing is permanent.
This isn't nihilism—it's freedom. When you stop clinging to particular outcomes, decisions become lighter. You do your best, stay open to what comes, and adjust.
Buddhist decision principles:
- Examine your attachments. What are you really afraid of losing? What are you desperately hoping to gain? Those attachments may be clouding your judgment.
- Consider: which choice reduces suffering? Not just for you—for everyone affected. The eightfold path includes "right action." Which choice aligns with your values and minimizes harm?
- Decide from equanimity, not anxiety. If you're making decisions from fear, pause. Fear makes you see threats everywhere. Wait until you can think clearly.
- Stay present. You're deciding about the future, but you live in the present. Make the best choice now and trust yourself to handle what comes.
Practical Decision-Making Tools
Tool 1: The 10/10/10 Rule
When facing a choice, ask:
- How will I feel about this 10 minutes from now?
- How will I feel 10 months from now?
- How will I feel 10 years from now?
This expands your time horizon. Many decisions feel urgent but matter little long-term.
Tool 2: Pre-Mortem Analysis
Imagine you made each choice and it failed. What went wrong? This surfaces risks you haven't consciously considered.
Tool 3: Values Alignment
List your top 5 values. For each option, rate how well it aligns with each value. Often one choice is clearly more aligned—you just couldn't see it through the noise.
Tool 4: Minimize Regret
Bezos's "regret minimization framework": imagine yourself at 80, looking back. Which choice would you regret not taking? For big decisions, we typically regret inaction more than action.
Tool 5: Flip a Coin (Seriously)
For decisions between two good options: flip a coin. While it's in the air, notice which side you're hoping for. That's your answer.
When You Still Can't Decide
If you've thought carefully and still can't choose, one of these is probably happening:
Both options are fine. If you genuinely can't choose, maybe either works. Pick one and commit.
You're afraid of commitment. Choosing one thing means not choosing another. If you're waiting for the option that has no tradeoffs, you'll wait forever.
You don't have enough information. Sometimes you need more data. But be honest: is more information actually needed, or are you just delaying?
Your values are unclear. If you don't know what you want, no decision framework helps. The work is clarifying values, not analyzing options.
You're making it too big. Maybe this isn't the life-defining moment you think it is. Most decisions are reversible. Most mistakes are recoverable.
The Cost of Not Deciding
The philosophers understood something we often forget: not deciding is a decision.
Every day you stay in deliberation is a day you're not living the chosen path. The opportunity cost of paralysis is real—time you'll never get back.
Seneca: "While we wait for life, life passes."
Sometimes the worst choice is continued indecision. A mediocre decision, acted on, often beats a perfect decision never made.
After the Decision
Once you choose:
- Stop deliberating. You decided. The analysis phase is over. Second-guessing now serves nothing.
- Commit fully. Half-hearted execution often looks like the choice was wrong. Commit and give it a real chance.
- Stay open to adjustment. Commitment doesn't mean blindness. If new information emerges that changes things, be willing to adjust.
- Learn from outcomes. Whether it works out or not, ask: what did I learn? How can I decide better next time?
What the Philosophers Agree On
Despite their differences, the ancient thinkers converge on these points:
- Decisions should be values-driven. Know what matters to you. Choices become clearer.
- Outcomes aren't fully controllable. Do your best with what you know. Release attachment to results.
- Endless analysis is worse than imperfect action. At some point, you must act.
- Most decisions are less important than they feel. Zoom out. You'll handle whatever happens.
- The quality of the decision is separate from the quality of the outcome. A good decision can have a bad outcome. A bad decision can luck into a good one. Judge your decision-making, not just results.
Your life is the sum of your decisions. But you already know how to decide—you've been doing it all your life.
The question isn't can you decide. It's will you trust yourself enough to choose and move forward.
What are you waiting for?
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Related Reading
- How to Stop Overthinking — When analysis becomes paralysis
- The Golden Mean — Aristotle's framework for balanced choices
- How to Find Your Purpose — When the real problem is not knowing what you want
- How to Be More Confident — Building trust in your own judgment