Dealing with Grief and Loss
What ancient philosophers had to say—and how their wisdom applies to your life today.
Grief is perhaps the most universal human experience, yet when we're in it, we feel utterly alone. Ancient philosophers—many of whom lost children, parents, friends, and empires—devoted deep thought to understanding loss and finding peace.
Their wisdom doesn't promise to eliminate grief (nor should it). Instead, it offers ways to bear what must be borne, to honor what was lost, and eventually to integrate loss into a life that continues to have meaning.
What Each Sage Says
Stoicism
Everything in nature is temporary—including the people we love. This isn't cold; it's true. The Stoics didn't suppress grief, but they placed it in context. Marcus lost many children and still found meaning. He grieved fully while remembering that loss is part of the natural order.
"Loss is nothing else but change, and change is Nature's delight."
Practical Advice
- Allow yourself to grieve—Stoics felt emotions deeply, they just didn't let emotions control their actions
- Remember: having loved and lost is preferable to never having loved
- Use grief as a reminder to cherish those still present
Buddhism
Attachment causes suffering, but this doesn't mean don't love—it means hold love with open hands. Grief comes because we loved, and love is beautiful. The path through grief includes accepting impermanence, allowing feelings to arise and pass, and finding compassion for yourself in pain.
"Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely."
Practical Advice
- Don't fight the grief. Feel it fully when it arises, knowing it too will pass
- Practice loving-kindness toward yourself during this difficult time
- Remember that the one you lost would want you to eventually find peace
Ancient Greek Philosophy
Death is either a dreamless sleep—which isn't bad—or a migration to another place where we may meet those who've gone before. Either way, it's not to be feared. The examined life includes examining our beliefs about death, which often reveals that our fears rest on unexamined assumptions.
"To fear death is nothing other than to think oneself wise when one is not."
Practical Advice
- Examine your beliefs about death—what do you actually believe versus what you fear?
- Consider: if death is the end, there's nothing to fear. If it isn't, there may be more to hope for.
- The legacy of the person lives on through how they influenced you
Hindu Philosophy
The soul is eternal—it cannot be destroyed. While the body perishes, the essential self continues. From this perspective, we grieve the separation, not the destruction of our loved one. Death is like changing clothes; the wearer remains.
"The soul is never born nor does it die... It is unborn, eternal, ever-existing, and primordial."
Practical Advice
- Consider that separation is temporary from an eternal perspective
- Honor the departed by embodying what they taught you
- Find comfort in the continuity of love beyond physical presence
Ancient Greek Philosophy
Grief is appropriate—it's the right response to significant loss. Aristotle valued friendship as essential to the good life, so losing friends and loved ones naturally causes pain. The key is to grieve in the right measure: neither suppressing it nor being consumed by it indefinitely.
"It is the mark of an educated mind to expect that amount of exactness in each kind which the nature of the particular subject admits."
Practical Advice
- Grief in proper measure is healthy and honors the relationship
- Allow grief to transform over time—it doesn't mean forgetting
- Eventually, return to activities and relationships that support flourishing
Sufi Mysticism
Grief is love with nowhere to go. Don't push it away—it is sacred. The same heart that breaks open in grief is the heart that knew how to love deeply. Rumi transformed his grief over losing Shams into the most profound poetry of love. Your grief too can become a doorway to deeper love.
"The wound is the place where the Light enters you."
Practical Advice
- Let yourself grieve fully—tears are sacred, not weakness
- Know that grief and love are two sides of the same heart
- In time, your grief may transform into something that heals others too
Common Wisdom
Where all traditions agree
Try These Exercises
Practical techniques from each tradition
Gratitude Reflection (Stoic)
Each day, write one thing you're grateful for about the person you lost. This keeps them present while honoring what they gave you.
Loving-Kindness Meditation (Buddhist)
Sit quietly. First send loving wishes to yourself ("May I be at peace"), then to your loved one ("May they be at peace"), then to all beings.
Legacy Integration (Aristotelian)
Identify three ways the person influenced you. Commit to embodying these qualities as a living tribute to their impact.
Eternal Connection (Vedic)
In quiet meditation, speak to your loved one. Share what you would say if you could. Many find comfort in sensing a continued connection.
Where to Start
Buddha's teachings on impermanence, compassion for oneself, and allowing emotions to arise and pass offer the gentlest, most immediately comforting approach to grief.